What Have They Done To Our Airport?

by Stuart Crawford

Time was when traveling through Edinburgh Airport was, well, a sort of comfortable experience. It wasn't ever particularly glamorous or exciting - or with that hint of new money style like Glasgow-but it was dependable and safe in that reserved Edinburgh fashion. And, after the madness and mayhem of Heathrow, it was always a reassuring and homely place, small and intimate and almost provincial. I liked it that way.

It comes a bit of a shock, then, to find that Edinburgh Airport is no longer small and intimate. I found this out for myself because my wife decided to go off to Amsterdam with our youngest daughter for the weekend and I was volunteered to drive them to the airport. It's all change the minute you enter the airport environs. First of all, the traffic circulation plan has been modified just enough to confuse totally - a one way street here, a no entry there, and before you know it you're either heading back to the city centre or you're waiting in line behind a Qantas jumbo on the main runway. Very dismaying.

Then there's the parking. Have you ever wondered where all the Edinburgh traffic cones have gone? Well, I can report that they're all hale, hearty, and accounted for and living happily at Edinburgh Airport. They now stop you parking where you used to be allowed to park and stop you driving up roads you used to drive up. And woe betide any relaxed travellers arriving minutes before their flights - drop off and pick up doesn't exist any more. It's either coned off or patrolled by the most efficient and dedicated police force this side of Tianamen Square. So readjust your watch if time-keeping isn't your forte, and don't forget your wallet; a visit to the airport will cost you at least a parking fee if not a lot more.

All of which is but the appetiser for what lies within the newly refurbished and extended terminal building. Set aside for a moment that everything has changed and that to depart you go to where arrivals used to be and vice versa. At worst that just means an extended walk because you parked where it used to be most convenient but isn't any more. There are many other gremlins in the system. We arrived at the BA desks to be confronted by the usual scenario of a long queue at one desk and all the rest of them fully manned but without custom. It can't be beyond the wit of man to operate a first come, first served system, choose any desk you like, can it? After all, everything's computerised these days. Ah, yes, the computer. It crashed just as we reached the head of the queue. Not for long, I grant you, but for long enough when you're following a time - space analysis honed to the second to fit in the children's sleep/eat patterns. Anyway, it allowed us to test the new tannoy system against our 16 month old's multi decibel wail. All the messages had to be repeated.

Having eventually waved off our bags (probably forever, muttered my wife uncharitably) on the conveyor belt, which was working normally, by the way, just to show that I'm prepared to give credit where credit is due, we set off for something to eat. This was the undoubted piece de resistance, if you can use that well worn phrase in a negative way. In case you don't know, the new terminal boasts the first 'swipe card' restaurant in Britain. You don't need cash until you exit, and everything you buy is credited to a swipe card which is given to you as you enter. I'm not exactly sure what the benefits of this system are; perhaps it prevents the staff dipping the till, or maybe children can go off and get extra chips without parents knowing. I'm also prepared to accept that this system will work quite well when everyone gets used to it, but it does rather rely on someone giving you the requisite card as you enter. There were a lot of confused would be customers there who couldn't understand why their otherwise perfectly acceptable legal tender was no use when they tried to get some lunch.

There are other teething troubles. The basic problem seems to be that the staff don't know how the restaurant's technology works, probably because they haven't been trained to use it. Our coffees were twice the strength they ought to be and half the temperature. When I went back to ask for more hot milk to make them like normal coffees the chap behind the bar was looking quizzically at what he had just concocted from the espresso machine. It took aeons to get served and, quite frankly, the staff just didn't have a clue. To make matters worse the high chairs hadn't been delivered yet and nobody had cleaned the toilets for several days. Oh dear.

Everybody has a favourite airport. I have two, actually. The first is Islay, where the pilot who has just landed safely, sideways like a crab into the teeth of a vicious sidewind, hands you your bags as you enter the terminal. That's real personal service for you, Concorde take note. The other is the little known Flughafen Munster/Osnabruck, a former night fighter station in north west Germany where you stroll out to your aircraft on the tarmac - no queues, no crowds, no stress. Edinburgh used to be a bit like these two, but it's all gone I'm afraid. In the name of progress they've imported a little bit of Heathrow, Los Angeles, and Chicago O'Hare.

Best of luck next time you fly to or from Edinburgh. No doubt things will improve as the bugs are ironed out, but I'll always be a little bit nostalgic for the wee, friendly place it used to be. And, please, can someone learn how to work the espresso machine?

© SWC 2000

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